Journal Entry 45

01.07.2026

With heavy hearts, Otto, Emma, and I reluctantly packed away Karina’s personal belongings. One month from now will be six years since Karina’s body washed ashore along the Gulf of Finland. I never removed Karina’s belongings from our master bedroom. Her dresses, shirts, jewelry, everything that made my wife beautiful, remained in the same position since the day she, Otto, and Emma were kidnapped.

I am not sure why it took me as long as it did to decide to move on. Perhaps somewhere in my heart, there remained hope that Karina would return home. Returning home to her children. Returning once more into my arms.

As I placed Karina’s clothing into the cedar storage chest, I could not help but glance towards Otto and Emma. The pain of losing their mother returned to their eyes. I gave permission to save whatever items of Karina’s they wanted. She meant as much to them as she did to me. The rest of her belongings will be stored in our attic, accessible whenever we want to be with Karina and our memories.

This evening, I felt Karina standing next to Emma as she tried on Karina’s necklaces, earrings, and rings. I sensed Karina sitting next to Otto as he read personal letters she saved from friends, family, and me. There was no need for privacy at this point. I want our children to know everything possible about their mother, including her faults. She was a brilliant woman, and I hope our children, no, I know our children will continue to make her proud.

Karina will never stop being part of my life. However, it is time for me to move on to the next chapter of my life. I know Karina would want me to find true love once again. I do not know if that is possible. What I do know is that my heart has started to reawaken, and that feeling makes me smile.