Journal Entry 49

09.07.2026

It feels as though a fortnight has passed since I had decent sleep. Waking up this morning at 4:45 a.m. was even more evident that I needed to clear my mind. Drinking tea in a quiet atmosphere has always helped me focus on what has been bothering me. My concentration at work is lax. Even Otto and Emma have expressed worry about the change in my personality. One moment I feel melancholy, then flat, then angry at the world.

The decision was cemented in my mind as I sipped tea. I’ve decided to return to Rüdersdorf to put to bed the torment which has plagued my dreams for almost four years. The captivity and torture I had experienced needed to be faced head-on. Although therapy has helped over the years, it has not been enough to slay the demons haunting my dreams each night.

I do not know whether returning to the dilapidated residence’s basement in Rüdersdorf will help me. While the King and I were in Asia, I received a text confirming the property remains abandoned. Trying to sell property where the King of Dorstenland’s private secretary was held captive and tortured would not be a selling point for a future property owner.

Tomorrow, I will advise Jonas of my plans. The King will not like my decision, especially the part about me going alone. Rüdersdorf is my cross to bear and mine alone.