Journal Entry 51

11.07.2026

There is no doubt in my mind that I was having second thoughts before boarding the train to Rüdersdorf. My thoughts were racing. My palms were sweaty. I kept asking myself whether returning to my personal hell was worth it. In the end, I took my seat and ventured north.

Riding on a train is not something I usually do anymore, not since becoming Jonas’s private secretary. I remember when Jonas and I were younger, before he became King, and we would board trains without an agenda. Upon our return, the same scene seemed to repeat itself: the voice of Jonas’s father, King Edwin, roaring with displeasure throughout the hallways of the castle. King Edwin was never pleased with Jonas’s “free spirit.” Of course, my father—King Edwin’s private secretary—would be standing right beside him, admonishing me for encouraging the future King of Dorstenland to disregard the monarchy’s rules and expectations.

I never understood why my father said I “encouraged” Jonas. If he had only known that it was truly the other way around. Once, after one of my father’s scoldings, I told him that Jonas had been the one encouraging me to go on those adventures. In hindsight, that was the wrong thing to say. Perhaps someday I will discover a journal hidden somewhere in the castle, documenting the punishments endured by my grandfather, great-grandfather, or even great-great-grandfather before each assumed the role of private secretary to the King of Dorstenland.

The train ride to Rüdersdorf passed more quickly than I had expected. Lost in memories of those exciting adventures with Jonas, my mind, body, and spirit were focused on something other than the basement—and the images of chains, torture, and blood that still haunted me.